Erin Rossi, Pee Pee Thief
by Aleize Claire
Summary: Written for The Smut Challenge on Facebook. Amelia Rossi finds a mysterious' toy' in her mother's room. Rated M to be safe. All prompts were used.


Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."

– Michelle Pfeiffer-

"DADDY!" Amelia shrieked, tottering down the hallway in her mother's two-inch pumps. Red lipstick stained her mouth and a strand of knock-off pearls swung from her neck. She had to hurry, before Mommy came home. She had to tell Daddy what she found. Her Mommy was a thief, a big bad dirty thief!

"Don't run in the house," Dave scolded. Visions of his baby daughter tumbling down the stairs, scared him more than any UNSUB.

His gaze landed on her feet, what was it with women and heels? Especially Mia, she was only four!

"Daddy, you won't believe it!" Mia gasped in excitement, "Momma's a thief!"

"A what?" Dave asked in confusion.

"A thief."The little girl repeated solemnly as she stared at her father.

Dave quirked an eyebrow, "are you sure you know what that means?"

"Uh huh!" The pearls swung faster as Mia's head bobbed. "It means you take something that's not yours! Like what Momma did to Max!"

Dave shook his head, sometimes she was far too smart for her own good.

"Hello!" Erin called, closing the front door against the heavy winds from outside.

"Come on, Max let me have your mittens," Erin said. She knelt down to her son's level and unwrapped his scarf and hung it on the coat rack. Getting pregnant with twins was never the plan but the minute they were born, Max and Amelia became her world.

''S cold, Mommy," Max said, pulling the mittens off his hands.

Erin stood up, "do you want some eggnog?" She asked, she grabbed a glass from the cabinet.

"Is it cold?"

"Uh huh."

"Can I have hot chocolate?"

"Sure," she grabbed the coca from the cabinet and emptied a packet into a mug and filled the kettle with water.

"Erin, Sweetheart," Dave called coming off the stairs. "You know you're the love and light of my life, right?"

He and Amelia appeared in the kitchen.

"Sure, Dave," Erin's shoulders slumped in tiredness at the sight of her daughter, chances were good that her bedroom was a wreck and she would be the one to clean it up.

"Then maybe you can figure out what she's talking about," Dave said, cutting into her thoughts.

"Someone is getting a bath early," Erin said, wetting a washcloth she moved closer to Dave.

"Why weren't you watching her?" She asked and he knew if looks could kill there would be a David Rossi shaped chalk-line in the middle of the kitchen.

"You're a thief, Mommy!" Mia cried from the safety of her father's arms.

Dave shook his head in exasperation. "Mia, what were you doing in Mommy's room?" He asked, even though it was obvious.

"Lookin' for clues,"

"Oh really?" Erin asked, wiping the lipstick away from Mia's face. "what kind of clues?"

"Good ones," Mia grumbled, burrowing deeper into Dave's arms.

"To what?"

"Max's pee-pee fell off," Mia said, matter of fact. "I was tryin' to find it."

Dave smirked and Erin bit back a laugh.

"What are you talking about?" Erin asked.

"Nuh uh," Max cut in and he knew because he got it stuck in his zipper that morning and Mommy had to get it out. His jaw dropped, maybe she took it then and he didn't notice?

"You said so!" Mia said, turning her wide dark eyes toward Dave, "you said it would!"

"When?"

"In the bathtub!" Mia squealed, "you said if he played with it, his pee pee would fall off and he did, Daddy, he played with it and it falled off!"

"It didn't fall off," Erin murmured but Mia kept talking.

"And it's in a box AND it's all stretched out AND," dark eyes keyed on her mother, Mia said, "it's the wrong color!"

Dave's eyes widened and his mouth went dry as the pieces fell into place.

"Go play, Princess," Dave said and he put her on her feet "and stay out of Mommy's room."

He waited until the kids were out of earshot and pulled Erin further into the kitchen.

"I thought you got rid of it!" He ground out.

"What did you want me to do with it?" She shot back, equally horrified, "toss it in the kitchen trash! You bought it, that was your responsibility!"

"It was a joke, I didn't expect you to keep it!"

"Great," she ran her hands through her hair, resting her face on the marble counter.

'"This is fucking fabulous! Our four year old thinks I'm a penis snatcher and she's traumatized by the massive black cock hidden under the bed!" She glanced up at him, praying that he understood the gravity of the situation;this was her biggest parenting fail to date.

"What are we going to do?"

He pulled a stool up beside her,"first," he took a breath like a man preparing for war. "We get rid of the cock."

Erin lifted her head in shock "I don't want them to see it!"

"Just sit tight down here and keep the kids occupied; I'll clean up the bedroom."

"Okay," she slid off the stool with renewed strength.

He wiggled his eyebrows "Are there any other 'toys' that I should know about?"

"Maybe," she stepped closer to him with their foreheads nearly touching she said, "I'm looking for a play-date."

He grinned and he felt his face heat.

"Are you blushing, Dave?" Erin asked, running her finger down his nose.

"I never knew you were so kinky," he bit out around the knot in his throat. He reached for her and she stepped back, "get rid of the plastic, Dave," she ordered, fighting the desire stirring inside her.

"And then," her voice took a husky tone, "I want the real thing."

"Your wish is my command," he pulled a garbage bag from the drawer when the sound of ripping cardboard broke the moment.

"What the Hell!" They said in unison as Mudgie barreled down the staircase with a rubber dildo dangling from his mouth, heading straight for the living room where Max and Mia were watching TV

"Mudgie, NO!" Dave ordered but it was too late. The magic spell cast by the television, was broken.

"So it's a dog toy?" Mia turned from the screen her eyes widened in curiosity.

Erin glared at Dave but neither had an answer, "yes," they said, a united front until the end.

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**Information for the 2014 Profiler Choice Awards can be found here! Good luck! NOMINATIONS WILL START SOON FOR PROFILER'S CHOICE CRIMINAL MINDS FANFIC AWARDS SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT! Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards on! Help us choose the best of the…**


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